After this quick photo shoot, I hit the water. It was a bit nippy. Fortunately the cup of concrete the beach crew handed me was enough to keep me warm. They’d be the ones telling emergency services which way this idiot paddled and regaling to Paula how incredibly stupid I was, but just slightly reminiscent of any of the James Bond, especially George Lazenby.
Those foamy learner boards really glide through the choppy waters but it still seemed to take forever to get even slightly close to him. I didn’t look back cos it’s like looking down from a height I reckon. I figured just get to him and suss out his mischief.
Seeing his silhouette turn to features was a welcome view. I tried to use my calm voice to at least chill myself out as I sidled up next to him. I asked if he was alone and he said “I’m blind!” Yes I nearly clocked him in the noggin cos yes I thought drunk, that’s just perfect. But he instantly assures me “Blind, I can’t see.” So I quickly fleece his wallet and draw a penis on his forehead for not having a life jacket on. I ask is he alone. He says his mate swam to shore to get help. For a second I thought dead body floating but I couldn’t see anyone with the pissy torch.
I’m just 60kgs of wafer thin sex machine and he’s approx 90kgs of blind man wearing jocks and a long sleeve tshirt. But he can move and he has hope and the will to live. He clambered aboard and I face planted into his cloaca and started us paddling to shore.
There was only the headlights of the 4x4 and a few torches for bearing. Luckily I didn’t tell a blind man to swim for the light as that may have felt foreboding. But as my limbs were going numb I felt what must’ve been hypothermia saying “How ya garn?”
I slipped to the back end and kicked like nothing else as old mate’s arms are chugging along nicely. I’d yell just right hand occasionally to correct our steering.
Halfway home of maybe a 200 metre stretch, the sound of the jet ski was bliss. He sidled up to us and we got ol mate onto it and they hurled to shore. When the jet ski stayed on the beach I literally thought of Mick Fanning’s photographer who got left in the water. Whatevs ayyyyyyy!